so, not knowing, i felt that i had to be honest, and ended up opening up to him about my changing attitude to sex and relations with friends. i told him that i would feel degraded. he eventually told me he understood. and then he used me.
i feel that this is worse than if we had just fucked without saying anything. my will power is not strong enough. i tried to change my ways... to behave in such a way that demonstrated more self respected, and ended up doing the opposite. because everything i said to him was shat on.
i know that it was my decision to sleep with him. but it was a case of giving in. i explicitly told him that wasn't what i wanted. i know i'm the idiot here. i should know that guys are like this. i should have gone and found somewhere to sleep before. i still think he has done wrong.
he is coming to visit me at uni on the 9th. part of me doesn't want to even look at him. and part of me wants to pretend it never happened.